


Thinking Out Loud

by Ftballfangrl



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut, but this does have a plot, we all need some happy deledier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ftballfangrl/pseuds/Ftballfangrl
Summary: The air con unit hummed softly behind the music and Eric smiled at the sound that had become the soundtrack to so many of the moments he replayed in his head. He stepped forward and lowered his lips to the top of Dele’s spine. He pressed small kisses along the line of his shoulders, stopping to nip lightly at the slope of his neck. So much of who they were was wrapped up in hotel rooms. They’d written their story across different continents. Learning the language of their emotions whilst exploring the landscape of their bodies, wrapped in sheets that they would leave behind the next day. He wondered whether their whispered conversations, stifled moans and stuttered declarations still existed in the fabric of those spaces. He wished he could gather them all up, stitch together all the fragments to create a patchwork of how they’d arrived here, to this moment.





	Thinking Out Loud

The sound of clinking glasses and the low hum of conversation, punctuated every so often by laughter filled the air and Eric lifted his drink to his lips. The sun was setting and he could see the sky through the opening in the marquee, awash with burnt oranges and deep reds. The food had been cleared away and people were milling around, half empty bottles of wine and champagne scattered across the tables. A harpist played in the corner, her deft fingers plucking at the strings. He took another sip from his glass, the buzz from a day of drinking and celebrating with his friends making him feel warm and content. His eyes scanned the room and his chest warmed as he spotted Dele mid laugh, head thrown back, his hand clasped on Sonny’s shoulder. He chuckled to himself as he watched Dele cover his mouth with his hand, no doubt hiding the snort that had escaped unwittingly. 

The day had been perfect, not a cloud in the sky as they’d all watched Harry and Kate exchange their vows. Their words had been personal, handwritten notes gripped between their fingers and Harry’s voice had shook a little as he spoke. Kate had wiped a tear away as she stood and listened to the man she loved tell her everything he adored about her, as he promised to remain true to her for the rest of his life. Eric had felt the heat where his thigh was pressed against Dele’s as they watched and he’d wondered what was going through his mind. The urge to reach over and grab Dele’s hand had almost overwhelmed him and he’d resorted to fiddling with the programme. As the minister prepared for the exchanging of the rings he’d felt Dele nudge him slightly, shifting in his seat. They’d shared a quick glance and Dele’s eyes had been glistening, a soft smile playing at the corner of his mouth.  _ One day Del,  _ he’d thought, hoping that the smile he’d given him in return had told Dele everything about how this moment was making him feel. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom will shortly be taking to the dancefloor for their first dance,” the DJ announced as he dimmed the lights. A spotlight appeared over the dancefloor and people started to move, gathering around the edge. Eric lifted himself from his seat and walked over to where Jan and his wife were stood. Jan laughed as she bounced up and down, telling them that this was the best part of any wedding. Eric laughed as well, twirling his glass between his fingers. A chorus of cheers sounded as Harry and Kate appeared, hand in hand, their faces beaming. A few people clapped Harry on the back and Kate hugged her Mum before they walked to the middle of the dancefloor. “It is my honour to present to you, once again, the newly wedded Mr and Mrs Kane,” the DJ said and Kate leaned in to kiss Harry, smiling against his mouth. “Without further ado, let’s get this first dance underway.” A few whoops sounded from the edge of the dancefloor as Harry wrapped his arms around Kate’s waist, pulling her close. The song began to play and the opening line filled the air. 

_ I found a love for me, darling just dive right in, follow my lead.  _

Jan’s wife sighed next to him and placed her head on her husbands shoulder, a wistful look on her face. All around him people were swaying, eyes misty as they watched the happy couple. Harry was miming the words to Kate and she was looking up at him, eyes filled with love. 

_ We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. _

The words made Eric’s stomach flutter and he shifted his gaze, meeting Dele’s stare, those hazel eyes wide and shining. He felt Jan tap his arm and he tore his eyes away. He nodded as Jan inclined his head, clutching his wife’s waist, leading her to the dancefloor. All around them couples were drifting forwards, taking their place amongst the dancing crowd. Cameras flashed as the official photographers wound their way through the couples, angling their arms to get the shots they needed. Eric burned with jealousy as he watched, the fact that he couldn’t just walk up to Dele and ask him to dance settling like lead in his chest. He could do it. He thought to himself. He could put down his drink and walk over to him, grab his hand and to hell with the consequences. He glanced at Harry and Kate again and almost ached with the need to show Dele that what they had was no different. A ripple of anticipation went through him as he imagined what would happen if he did do it. The thought evaporated as he glanced back at Dele and his heart pulled in his chest as he noticed the slope in shoulders, the way he was wringing his hands together. Eric lifted his mouth into a half smile as Dele looked at him, hoping that he could reassure him from across the room. He could tell what Dele was thinking, could see it written all over that beautiful face and Eric’s stomach clenched as he watched him look towards the dancefloor before turning away and disappearing through the guests crowded around him. 

He saw Jan looking at him from across the dancefloor and he waited a few seconds before putting his drink down and pushing past the people surrounding him. His mind was racing and everything felt like it was crowding in on him. The song was soft but it felt like it was roaring in his ears and he started moving faster, apologising as he bumped against people on his way to where Dele had been stood. He scanned the room, checking the tables at the back of the marquee. There was no sign of him and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He looked down at the screen, hoping to see a message but it was blank, the time staring up at him. He unlocked it and opened WhatsApp, pressing on Dele’s name. The keypad popped up and he hovered his thumb above the letters. He chewed on his lip and looked up, thoughts pinging around his brain. Just as he was about to start typing he spotted Dele. He’d left the party and was walking down the path that led back to the hotel. Eric watched as he stopped just before the entrance and looked back, hand rising to the back of his head.  _ Oh Del _ , he thought putting his phone back in his pocket. He made to step forward, eyes fixed on the spot where Dele had just been stood and he jumped slightly as he felt a hand on his arm. 

“Eric, long time no see. How are you?” Eric turned round, his vision taking a while to focus on the man the hand belonged to. His face was familiar but Eric couldn’t place him, possibly a relation of Harry’s. Whoever he was he really didn’t need to be making small talk right now, he needed to get to Dele. He painted a smile on his face, hoping that it reached his eyes and patted the man on his shoulder. “I’m good thank you,” he answered, making to turn back round. The man only tightened his grip and Eric felt a shot of annoyance run through him. “Are you not here with anyone? No pretty girl waiting for you on the dance floor?” Eric’s chest burned at the question and he pulled his arm away, the man’s eyes widening slightly at the abrupt movement. This was why he was having to follow Dele back to their hotel room. Why they could only make eyes at each other across the room whilst they were surrounded by people who were openly able to celebrate the love they had for one another. He wanted to grab the man by his shoulders and shake him. Tell him that yes he was here with someone. That all he wanted was for  _ him  _ to be stood waiting for him on the dancefloor. That he wished he could draw his arms around  _ his  _ waist and draw  _ him  _ into a kiss as they swayed to the music. But he couldn’t and Eric knew it wasn’t this singular man’s fault but he still felt a rush of anger wash over him. “No, no girl here with me,” he said measuring his words and attempting to keep his voice calm. The man gave him a look, one laced with something that Eric thought might have been sympathy and he didn’t give the man a chance to speak again as he turned around and walked out of the marquee. 

***

Anger still had Eric in it’s vice like grip as he made his way down the hotel corridor and he had to take a moment to steady his breathing as he reached their room. His hand rested on the door handle, the keycard pressed between his fingers. He swiped it, watching the little light next to his hand turn green and he pushed down, the door creaking slightly as he opened it. The room was swathed in shadows from the glow of the lamp on the bedside table, the sheets on the bed crumpled slightly from the nap they’d taken after the ceremony. Eric stepped over the threshold and closed the door shut behind him. He turned around and his eyes fell on Dele and the anger drained out of him. His blazer was slung over the back of the chair next to him and he was stood in front of the full length mirror, fingers fiddling with his cufflinks. His shirt was open, his tie hanging undone around his neck and Eric’s chest burned. He pictured Dele, fumbling with his key before storming into the room, hands ripping at his blazer. He pictured him stalking over to the mirror and leaning against the dressing table, pushing on his wrists. He pictured him breathing heavily, the overwhelming feeling that he just needed to do s _ omething _ resulting in him yanking at his tie and scrambling at his buttons. 

“Del,” he said quietly as he stepped forward and Dele lifted his head up, their gaze meeting in the mirror. His hazel eyes were full of emotion and Eric closed the gap between them, bringing his hands up to Dele’s waist. He leaned forward and placed a light kiss just behind his ear and he felt Dele relax slightly at his touch. 

“It’s not fair Diet,” Dele whispered, sighing as Eric kissed him again. 

“What’s not fair?”

“Back there. All of that. That we can’t have that, that we have to hide.”

“Del, we’ve talked about this. You said-”

“I know and I think I still feel the same. But I wish I didn’t. I don’t know, I just saw all of those people and they all looked so happy. And Harry and Kate, god they looked so in love and I just wanted-”

“I know Del. I know. I wanted it too.” 

They stared at each other in the mirror and Eric’s heart ached in his chest. It was something that hung over them all the time, the question of when they would be ready to reveal themselves to the outside world. Eric had days where all he wanted to do was shout about it, ring every newspaper in the country and just tell them how much he loved Dele. There were times when the way he felt for Dele threatened to overwhelm him and he needed the space his love inhabited to grow, to stretch and expand so that it could encompass everything. He wanted to be able to hold his hand in public, kiss him after a win and tell everyone who would listen how beautiful he was inside and out. But then at the same time the need to protect what they had, to hide it away from the world so that it couldn’t be warped and distorted was so strong that he would sometimes wake up in the night unable to breath. He’d rise from a dream about Dele being abused on the pitch or in the papers and he’d reach out, finding purchase on Dele’s sleeping body and pull him close, silently promising to never let anyone hurt him. It was a war that waged a constant battle in his heart and it was something he would continue to fight until Dele was ready. 

“I wanted to walk over and ask you to dance so badly,” he whispered and Dele tilted his head back as Eric rested his chin on his shoulder. They stood in silence for a few seconds and Eric stared at their reflection in the mirror. He dropped his gaze, running his eyes over Dele’s body.  _ God, you are beautiful,  _ he thought as he took in the planes of Dele’s chest, his abs and the angle of his hip bones, the way in which his skin glowed in the soft lamplight, the shadows highlighting just how toned he was. He lifted his gaze back up to look at Dele’s face and he kissed his shoulder, squeezing his waist. Dele chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes were glistening slightly and Eric kissed him again, tracing little pecks over the ball of his shoulder. Dele let out a small laugh and the sound vibrated against Eric’s chest, his own lips stretching into a smile over Dele’s skin. He lifted his head up and Dele sighed, reaching a hand up behind him. His fingers casually grazed the back of Eric’s head, the sensation making his spine tingle. An idea struck him and he pulled back from Dele who dropped his arm, furrowing his brow. Eric put his hand in his pocket and drew out his phone. His thumbs worked over the screen and he opened Spotify, Dele half turning round to see what he was doing. After a quick search he hastily created a playlist and smiled as he pressed play on the first song, leaning forward to place his phone on the dressing table. The opening lines filled the room and Dele chuckled softly as Eric closed the gap between them. 

_ I found a love for me, darling just dive right in, follow my lead.  _

_ I never knew you were the someone waiting for me. _

Eric wanted to be able to have this moment with Dele. To touch him, to hold him in his arms and look into his eyes. He wanted to be able to whisper in his ear, tell him to listen to the lyrics and kiss him as they let the music surround them. He slipped his hands under Dele’s shirt and fluttered his fingertips along the bottom of his back. Dele shivered and Eric withdrew his hands, lifting them up to pull at the material. He slipped the shirt from his shoulders and discarded it on the floor. Eric stared at his back, drinking in the tattoos that painted a tapestry of his life. He hovered his hands a few centimetres away, slowly drawing patterns in the air, letting his fingertips barely brush against Dele’s skin. He smiled as he heard Dele breath in, goosebumps rising across his shoulders. 

The air con unit hummed softly behind the music and Eric smiled at the sound that had become the soundtrack to so many of the moments he replayed in his head. He stepped forward and lowered his lips to the top of Dele’s spine. He pressed small kisses along the line of his shoulders, stopping to nip lightly at the slope of his neck. So much of who they were was wrapped up in hotel rooms. They’d written their story across different continents. Learning the language of their emotions whilst exploring the landscape of their bodies, wrapped in sheets that they would leave behind the next day. He wondered whether their whispered conversations, stifled moans and stuttered declarations still existed in the fabric of those spaces. He wished he could gather them all up, stitch together all the fragments to create a patchwork of how they’d arrived here, to this moment. 

_ But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own _

_ And in your eyes you're holding mine _

Eric glanced at their reflections again, his chest expanding as he saw Dele’s mouth hanging open slightly. His eyes were glazed and his breaths were shallow, his thumbs dancing over his fingertips. The sight made Eric feel hot and he lowered his mouth back onto Dele’s skin. He placed soft, slow kisses over his backbone, dropping to his knees as he worked his way down. His hands braced Dele’s sides and he moved his fingertips back and forth, causing Dele to shiver under his touch. He didn’t move though, as Eric came to a halt, his lips pressed just above the curve at the bottom of his back. He felt Dele shift and Eric replaced his mouth with his forehead, waiting a few seconds before reaching out to grab Dele’s left hand. He tugged and Dele turned to face him, bringing his right hand up to cup Eric’s cheek. Eric stared up at him, rubbing his thumb along Dele’s palm, before leaning forwards and placing a kiss on the rise of his hip bone, letting it linger. He felt Dele run his fingers over the short hair on the top of his head and Eric smiled, the familiarity of the touch warming his insides. 

He rested against Dele’s hip and he thought about all the times he’d been on his knees in front of him before. His blood ran hot as he pictured other hotel rooms, his bedroom, Dele’s kitchen, even the changing rooms at Enfield. He spent a lot of time at Dele’s feet, worshipping him with his mouth but he knew that one day he’d be down on his knees for a different reason. An image of a box, red with gold detail, entered his head. It was hidden in his house, tucked away at the back of a drawer that he knew Dele never looked in. He remembered the day he’d bought it, the jeweller asking no questions as he asked to look at masculine engagement rings. His heart had been in his mouth the whole time and he’d stared at it for an hour when he’d got home before hiding it away, ready for whenever the right time came along.

“One day Del, that will be us and I will be the proudest person in the whole fucking world. You just tell me when you are ready and I’ll shout it from every rooftop in North London.” Dele dropped his hand, placing it underneath Eric’s chin, tilting it up so their eyes could meet. His stare burned right through Eric and he squeezed his hand as Dele ran his thumb over his bottom lip. Eric turned his head and pulled Dele’s left hand towards him, rubbing the pad of his thumb along the base of his fourth finger. He imagined the platinum band nestled there and he gently replaced his thumb with his lips, marking Dele’s skin with an invisible promise. 

The truth was that Eric was scared too. Neither of them knew what would happen when they decided to show their love to the world and it was terrifying to contemplate the type of reaction it might get. However Eric knew as long as he had Dele by his side then he could cope with anything. It would be tough, a strain on their careers and they would have to be brave but Eric was sure they could do it. Dele was his whole world and in some ways it didn’t matter that they had to hide, the most important people knew and when they were inside their little bubble everything felt perfect. It was moments like today, when they stepped into the outside world, that Eric was reminded of just how much they were missing out on. He loved Dele, with every fibre of his being and if Dele was never ready he would understand but his heart ached for the moment he’d be able to stand up and tell everyone just exactly how amazing he was and how he couldn’t cope sometimes with how much he meant to him. 

_ We are still kids, but we're so in love _

_ Fighting against all odds _

_ I know we'll be alright this time _

The lyrics reflected Eric’s thoughts so perfectly that he couldn’t help but laugh softly and Dele pulled on his hand. Eric shook his head, kissing the side of his thumb and Dele tugged again. “Dance with me Eric,” he said, his voice quiet. Eric lifted himself to his feet and Dele let go of his hand, wrapping his arms around Eric’s neck. Eric wound his arms around Dele’s waist and pulled him close, their noses touching. Their mouths ghosted against each other and a sigh fell from Dele, his breath warm on Eric’s lips. They swayed to the music, little movements that allowed them to hold each other. Eric marvelled at how he could get lost in the deep hazel of Dele’s eyes, the different shades of brown shimmering in the low light. Dele rested his forehead against Eric’s and he rubbed his thumbs over the nape of his neck. Eric mirrored the movement, drawing circles on Dele’s lower back with his fingertips. 

"What will our wedding be like?” Dele asked breathing the words into the space between them. Eric’s heart thundered against his ribcage and he searched Dele’s face, swallowing around the lump in his throat. They had made jokes about it before, teasing each other about being called husband or laughing about if they would still be able to stand each other when they were old and wrinkly. But the look on Dele’s face as he spoke, the way his hands had tightened on Eric’s neck and the way he was biting his lip as he waited for Eric’s response told him that this time it was no laughing matter. Eric took a deep breath, the need to paint Dele a picture with every detail he’d been imagining since he realised he was in love with Dele all those years ago overwhelming him.

“It would be in Portugal, in one of those old farmhouses I showed you. We’d fill it with everyone important to us, a small group, those who have been there from the very start. The ceremony would take place in the gardens, an orchard in the background. There will be music playing, maybe that Christina Perri song we both pretend we don’t love. You’ll wear a cream suit and I’ll wear a black one. There’ll be gardenias and that type of lily I can’t pronounce because they signify love and strength. We’ll write our own vows and we’ll think it’s the worst decision we ever made whilst writing them. But then we’ll stand facing each other and the words will be ours and full of jokes and memories that a poem or a song couldn’t capture. The reception will be a light affair, with food and drinking and dancing. And I’ll make a speech, telling everyone that I’m the luckiest guy in the world because I chose you and you were brave enough to choose me back. At some point we’ll sneak off and I’ll show you how exactly how I plan on loving you for the rest of our lives.” 

Dele’s hands had been working at Eric’s shirt as he spoke, his long fingers undoing the buttons until it fell open, pulling it free from the top of his trousers and he spread his hands across Eric’s chest. Eric wondered if he could feel how hard his heart was beating, how just talking about taking that step with him made him feel. There was more he could say, he could describe the way the garden would be decorated with fairy lights, that the tables would be named after the places they’d travelled together marking their journey and that he knew what song would be their first dance. He could have spent hours weaving Dele a story of how perfect that day and the life they would live after would be. Instead he leaned forward and captured Dele’s mouth with his. It was a deep kiss, one that he hoped communicated how every hope and dream he had for the future was wrapped up in the hazel of his eyes, the feel of his hands as they wound back around his neck and the steady beat of his heart against his chest. They swayed to the song, letting their mouths slide together and Eric slowly turned them round, opening his eyes to drop his gaze on the bed over Dele’s shoulder. Dele hummed softly as Eric traced a path of kisses from his mouth across his jaw and down the side of his neck. His fingers fluttered against Eric’s skin as he unclasped his hands and brought them down, tucking them underneath Eric’s shirt. He moved slowly, uncovering Eric’s shoulders inch by inch until his shirt fell to the floor. He drew a line across the rise of Eric’s collar bone with his index finger before lowering his head and retracing his steps with tiny butterfly kisses. He came to a stop in the dip at the bottom of his throat and Eric sucked in a breath as he placed his mouth over his pulse, nipping lightly with his teeth. As he worked his mouth against Eric’s neck, their hands danced together, fingers intertwining. 

Everything was slow and measured as though they were savouring each other. Dele lifted his head up, eyes shining and he rested his forehead against Eric’s, their stares locked together. The air around them was thick and tension was building low in Eric’s stomach. He released his grip on Dele’s hand and ran his fingers over his side. It gained a sharp intake of breath and Eric smiled. They stood like that for a few more moments, until Dele leaned in, grazing his lips lazily over the side of Eric’s mouth. The song changed and Eric’s chest tightened as Dele wrapped his fingers around his left hand. He lifted it up, unfurling Eric’s fingers and bought it to his mouth. He brushed his lips against his palm, the tips of his fingers and then placed a lingering kiss on the soft skin at the bottom of his ring finger as the lyrics filled the room. 

_ See I could do without a tan on my left hand, where my fourth finger meets my knuckle.  _

“What will our wedding night be like?” 

The question caught Eric off guard slightly and he drew his head back. Dele’s tongue darted between his lips and he looked at him with a heavy, lust filled glance that made Eric’s dick twitch in his trousers. He swallowed hard and raised both hands up to cup Dele’s face. His heart was beating an irregular rhythm against his ribcage and he took a second to just look at Dele. Normally they would be all over each other, fingers working fast to discard of the clothes that lay as a barrier between them. They could be rough, fighting for dominance, pulling hair and biting skin as they tumbled onto the bed or whatever surface they could find, the need to consume one another taking over. It had always been like that, as though they couldn’t wait, as though whatever they had might disappear if they didn’t act fast enough. It was usually all heavy breaths and Dele bent over, Eric dragging his nails across Dele’s back as he felt him tense around him, panting and begging for more. 

Not now though. Not this time. 

No, he wanted to take this slowly. If this was supposed to reflect what Eric thought their wedding night would be like then he wanted to take his time, show Dele exactly what he meant to him, that he knew exactly what to do to make him feel good. Dele eyes were full of expectation and anticipation buzzed in the air between them. Eric ran his thumb across Dele’s bottom lip before placing his hand underneath Dele’s chin, dragging his face forwards into a deep kiss. He ran his tongue along the seam of Dele’s lips and licked into his mouth when it fell open. He thumbed at the sensitive spot just underneath his ear with one hand whilst unhooking the clasp of his trousers with the other. Once the were undone he dragged his fingertips along the top of Dele’s boxers, dipping them just below the waistline, skimming against the thin skin that stretched over his hip bones. 

“We’ll be so worked up after a day of being near each other but not being able to touch. Everyone will want to talk to us, congratulate us, so every time we think we’ve got a moment we’ll be interrupted. I will think about how much I want to kiss you all day. Not the way I kissed you at the altar. No, the way I kiss you when it’s just us, you know the type of kiss that has you making that noise that I love.” He breathed the words into Dele’s ear, a smile quirking his mouth as the exact sound he was talking about escaped the back of Dele’s throat. Eric placed his hands on Dele’s waist and pushed slightly, inclining his head. Dele glanced over his shoulder towards the bed and then back at Eric, dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. Eric pushed again and Dele started walking backwards. “You will look so damn hot in your suit that I won’t be able to stop thinking about getting you out of it. It will be all I can focus on and once the first dance is out of the way and our guests are well on the way to getting drunk I’ll look at you across the room and you’ll know. You’ll know to finish your conversation, to slip away from the crowd. You’ll know to meet me back at our honeymoon suite because fuck waiting for the night to be over, I’ll want you as soon as I can have you.” 

They came to a stop as Dele’s legs hit the bed and his knees folded beneath him. Eric stood over him, watching as his chest heaved up and down. He could see Dele’s erection straining against his trousers and a thrill shot through him at the thought that his words were having such an effect on him. The light from the two bedside lamps created a hazy halo around him and Eric’s heart squeezed as Dele’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks. _Fuck I love you so much_ he thought and he dropped to his knees. Dele brushed the back of his hand against his cheek, running it back and forth and Eric knew he loved the way the coarse hair of his beard felt against his skin. He also knew that he liked it when it rubbed against his thighs, when it grazed his hips and he hooked his fingers over the top of Dele’s trousers, tugging gently. “I’ll get you alone and you’ll be sat exactly like this. Only by this point you’ll already be naked, waiting for me, hard and ready,” he all but whispered the words as Dele lifted his hips allowing him to pull his trousers down, inch by inch. Dele’s boxers were small and Eric leaned in to suck on the skin at the top of his legs. Dele’s muscles tightened at the feeling and Eric angled his head to nip at the soft flesh of his inner thigh, pressing his tongue on the exact spot he knew would drive him insane. A moan drifted from Dele’s lips and Eric smiled against his skin. He kissed a line over his leg and pulled his trousers over his knees, letting them pool around Dele’s feet. 

“I’ll tell you how I want to give you the world and everything in it. I’ll tell you that I love you and how you changed me in all the best ways possible. I’ll tell you that my life is better with you in it. And I’ll tell you that I’m about to make you come so hard you’ll forget what your name is.” As he spoke he pulled at Dele’s boxers, slowly lowering them until they were wrapped around his knees. Dele wriggled slightly as Eric splayed his hands on his hips and they fell to the floor. He kicked a foot out, moving his trousers and his boxers to the side and Eric shuffled forwards, nestling between his thighs. Dele was leant back on his elbows, his toned stomach tense as he look squarely at Eric. “And how exactly are you going to do that?” he asked. His voice was thick with want and his pupils were dilated, the blown out black almost covering the brown. Eric felt his dick harden at the tease in his tone and he lowered his head, grazing his lips over Dele’s groin. He drew a line with his tongue, moving tantalisingly close to where he knew Dele wanted it most. Instead of giving to him he moved lower, Dele’s legs opening wider as he continued to drag his mouth over his thigh. “Where do you want my tongue Del?” he asked, goosebumps rising where his breath caressed Dele’s skin. “Do you want it here?” he asked, moving back towards his dick slightly, placing a kiss on his balls. Dele twitched and let out a deep groan and Eric grinned. “Or here?” he asked as he lifted Dele’s leg onto his shoulder, leaning down to bite at the swell of his ass. He bucked his hips and grabbed at the side of Eric’s face. Eric looked up and the look on Dele’s face, his cheeks flushed and lips parted, made his head swim with need. 

“I want you inside me,” Dele said, his voice strained. He swallowed and leaned forward, pulling at Eric’s neck. Eric allowed himself to be coaxed upwards, dropping a hand between them as he rose over Dele’s body. He found purchase on Dele’s dick and wrapped his fingers around it, running his thumb over the tip, feeling it slick with precome. Dele tilted his head back at the contact and he let out a sigh. He began to move his hand, pumping it up and down but never settling on a rhythm and Dele thrust his hips. Eric squeezed and collected the moan that came from Dele with a kiss, running his tongue along the roof of his mouth. 

“Do you not want my mouth first?’ he asked, before kissing him again. Dele shook his head and reached down between them to run his hand over Eric’s crotch. The friction it caused against his dick made him swear and he rested his head on Dele’s shoulder as he continued the motion. He worked his hand over Dele’s dick at the same time and Dele’s breath was warm against his ear as he panted. “Just need you in me,” he moaned and Eric’s hips jerked at the desperation in his voice. He released his grip on Dele’s dick and pulled back, standing up to fiddle with the buttons on his trousers. Once they were undone he wasted no time and yanked his boxers down at the same time, stepping out of them and leaning back towards Dele. He felt heat coil low in his stomach as he watched Dele rake his eyes over his body, stopping to stare at his dick, hard against his stomach. He looked so beautiful, lay back waiting for him and Eric’s breath caught in his chest. He remembered how self conscious Dele had been to begin with. It wasn’t that Dele didn’t like his body, he knew he looked good, it was more that he had been scared to give himself completely to Eric. It had been a big step for both of them, to claim each others bodies, to break that final barrier and Eric remembered how nervous Dele had been. Now here they were, all these years later, Dele lay back on the bed sprawled and open, waiting for Eric to fill him. 

Eric nudged Dele’s legs open a touch further and dropped his knees onto the mattress. He placed his arms either side Dele’s hips and lowered his head, licking a strip up the side of his dick and sucking at the tip before lifting his head back up. Dele grabbed his face and pulled him towards him, mouths sliding together. A new song was playing in the background and they both smiled against each other as they realised what it was. 

_ I was made to keep your body warm but I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms. My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed in my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet and with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now. _

Dele placed a hand on Eric’s shoulder and pushed him back, drawing his legs from underneath him. Eric furrowed his brow and gave him a look. “Sit back against the headboard,” Dele told him, pushing on his shoulders again. Eric obeyed and Dele span around, throwing his leg over Eric’s thighs. He inched forward and Eric sucked in breath as he took his dick in his hand, fingers wrapped tightly around it. “I want you Eric. All of you, every inch. I want you forever and I want to show you how much I mean it.” Eric felt tears prick the back of his eyes as he listened to Dele speak and he licked his lips, not breaking their eye contact. Dele smiled and spat into his palm before gathering Eric’s length and closing his hand into a fist. His pace was slow and he teased his thumb over the tip before sliding his hand all the way down. He did it a few times, making sure Eric was coated in spit and precome and then he shuffled forwards. Eric widened his eyes and he was about to ask whether or not he was ready when Dele grabbed his hand and lifted it to his mouth. He sucked on Eric’s fingers, running his tongue over them and Eric’s eyes rolled back in his head as his other hand continued its rhythm. Dele sucked for a few more seconds and then pulled back. They shared a look and Eric wrapped his arm around Dele’s waist, shifting him forwards until their chests were touching. Dele’s dick brushed against his abdomen and he reached around, running is wet fingers down the crease of his ass. “Get me ready for you,” Dele whispered and Eric angled his hand, pressing the tip of his index finger against Dele’s entrance. He pushed in gently and Dele swore as he stretched around the sensation. Eric breathed through his nose as Dele began pumping his dick again, trying to calm the roaring in his ears and the white hot feeling that was licking up his spine. He fucked into Dele a bit further, feeling him give way and he added a second finger. Dele moaned in his ear, biting down on his shoulder as Eric scissored his fingers, knowing exactly where to move them in order to hit the spot that would cause Dele to turn to liquid in his arms.

“Fuck Eric, that feels so good,” he moaned bearing his hips down, grinding against Eric’s knuckles. He gripped the back of Eric’s neck with his free hand and Eric pulled him closer, wrapping his arm firmer around his waist. He lifted Dele up slightly, allowing his fingers to slip out just a little. Dele breathed into the space between them, a question in his eyes. He didn’t get the chance to ask it before Eric lowered him back down, fingers hooked. Dele’s shuddered in his arms, his closed his eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “You ready for me?” he asked, voice shaking as Dele continued to work an uneven rhythm with his hand. Dele nodded, opening his eyes to pin Eric with his stare. Eric lifted him back up, Dele allowing himself to be moved around. He let go of Eric’s dick and they shuffled around, Eric lowering himself down and pulling Dele upwards. The moan that rattled Dele’s throat as he sank down onto him made Eric’s vision go white at the edges. He breathed through his nose a few times, focusing on the way Dele’s hands were gripping his shoulders. 

Normally Eric would be above Dele, setting the pace and he revelled in the way Dele looked with his legs spread over his thighs. He was rocking back and forth, barely lifting his hips and it was the small movements as Dele swivelled his hips that made his spine tingle. It was slow and delicious and Eric thumbed at Dele’s nipples as he watched him tilt his head back. He lowered his hands, grasping Dele’s hips and he pulled him down. Dele gasped and moved a bit faster the new angle obviously hitting the right spot. His palms were spread across Eric’s chest and he was staring at him, his eyes not altogether focused. The sight of Dele lost in pleasure, moaning and grinding against him made Eric’s head swim. He could feel the tension growing, the heat starting to build low in his stomach. He kept his grip on Dele and he watched, drinking in the view as Dele continued to ride him. 

It never failed to amaze Eric how right everything felt with Dele. After all these years he still caught himself staring every so often, wondering just how the two of them fit together so perfectly when they should have been like chalk and cheese. Their differences should have set them apart, made it impossible for them to work. Instead those differences had somehow helped shape the dynamic between them, they balanced each other out and it had never felt forced. They slotted together, emotionally and physically, two halves of the same whole and Eric had never been more sure of anything in his whole life than he was about how he felt for the man who was currently moaning his name. He was perfect, they were perfect and as Dele grabbed at his hands, thrusting his hips forward Eric knew that he would spend the rest of his life finding every possible way to make sure Dele knew that. 

_ This is the start of something beautiful. This is the start of something new. You are the one who’d make me lose it all. You are the start of something new.  _

Dele leaned forward and kissed Eric as the song changed, his hands framing his face. It was a soft, tender kiss and Eric cupped the back of his neck. He felt Dele tighten as his dick brushed against his stomach and he held him close, lifting his knees slightly. The motion caused Dele to slide forward and he swore as Eric used the leverage to up the pace just a fraction. “Touch me,” Dele whispered his voice hoarse. Eric pulled Dele into another kiss as he ran his fingers down his chest, over his stomach finally coming to rest near his groin. He carried on thrusting his hips, their thighs slapping together as he started to move faster and Dele fell forwards as Eric finally gathered his dick in his hand. The pressure at the bottom of Eric’s spine was tight, his nerve endings were alight as Dele moved his hips against his thrusts and they lost themselves in the rhythm, foreheads pressed together. “Fuck Dele, I love you so much,” Eric breathed, gaze not leaving those hazel eyes. Dele nodded in response, breathing fast as Eric pumped his wrist and his hips at the same time. Eric knew that look. Dele’s mouth was half open, his eyes were glazed over and his breath was short. It was coming out in little pants and Eric worked his hand faster. Dele was teetering on the edge and Eric could feel him starting to clench around his dick. Seeing his boyfriend so completely at his mercy made Eric’s balls tighten and he bit his lip. He could feel the lick of heat up his spine, the pressure building to a crescendo and he dug his nails into the soft skin on Dele’s neck. He let himself go, pushing against Dele and he responded, lifting his hips and smacking back down as they chased their release. 

“Eric, Eric, Eric.” His name on Dele’s lips, the desperate way he was clinging to him as every muscle started to contract made stars burst in Eric’s vision. He felt the warm spurt of come cover his hand as Dele collapsed on top of him, convulsing as his orgasm ravaged his body. The feeling of Dele contracting around his dick made Eric moan and he bucked his hips as release tore through him, every nerve in his body singing as the orgasm took over. Dele stayed slumped over him and they both stayed silent for a few minutes, letting their breathing even out. Dele peppered his neck with kisses, lazy little pecks that made Eric shiver. He lifted his hand and started to draw patterns on Dele’s back, feeling goosebumps rise under his touch. “I love you too.” The words were quiet, murmured into the crook of his neck and Eric pressed his mouth to Dele’s shoulder. They’d been in this position countless times, exhausted after sex, bodies tangled together and yet everytime he heard those three words fall from Dele’s mouth his heart still panged in his chest. 

Dele sighed against Eric’s shoulder and Eric hummed, nudging his shoulder. Dele lifted his head and looked at him, eyes wide. “Every part of me belongs to you Del. Every single part and I want everything with you. That’s what our wedding night will be. It will be me showing you that you complete me and that everything I do is for you. I want it all with you. Marriage, kids, old age. Everything.” He could physically see Dele relaxing at his words, the trepidation that might have been creeping back in melting away. Eric cupped Dele’s face with his palm and smiled at him, rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip. Dele smiled back and it was beautiful and open and Eric wanted to capture the way he looked, bottle it forever. “I want all of that too,” Dele said softly. He sounded so young, so like the Dele he had fallen in love with that Eric gathered in him his arms and held him tight. There had been a time when Dele had all of his walls up, a protective barrier that meant he never let anyone too close. He was friendly with everyone but no-one really knew the real him, the silly boy who felt like he might love too much and leave himself vulnerable because of it. But he had let Eric in. He had lowered his defences and allowed him to see right to the core of who he was and Eric thanked his lucky stars everyday that he got the chance to call Dele his. Eric reached up and stroked Dele’s cheek, turning his head and ghosting his lips over his nose, his eyelids and his mouth. Dele smiled and kissed him back. 

“You just tell me when are you ready Delboy.”

_ This is the start of something beautiful. This is the start of something new.  _

***

“You want another drink mate?” Danny’s voice sounded somewhere to Eric’s left and he nodded without turning his head, holding out his empty glass. “Same again?” Danny asked and Eric inclined his head again feeling the weight leave his hand. He didn’t watch Danny walk off but kept his eyes trained on a table over to the left of where he was sitting. Dele was perched against the back of a chair, his arms crossed over his chest and the fairy lights festooning the roof of the marquee bathed him in a soft glow. He was laughing, head thrown back slightly and Eric smiled as he leaned forwards to pat Sonny on the shoulder. Eric loved watching Dele with his friends. He loved how warm and genuine he was with those he cared about, how he always made sure they got his full attention. Dele straightened back up and his eyes met Eric’s over Sonny’s shoulder. His whole face seemed to soften and he bit his lip. Eric’s stomach tightened and he rubbed at his brow, cheeks flushing with heat. 

They’d rejoined the party after deciding they’d been gone long enough for people to start wondering where they might be. Eric could have happily stayed cocooned in their room, wrapped up in the sheets with their limbs tangled together and Dele had sighed and picked up Eric’s hand, making their fingers dance together. Eventually they had both dragged themselves out of bed and got dressed, moving around one another in a contented silence. Eric had been about to open the door when he’d felt Dele’s hands on his waist. He’d turned around and had no time to respond as Dele had pushed him up against the solid wood and kissed him. It was a deep kiss, one that had Eric wanting to damn the party and take Dele back to bed. But Dele had pulled back, a devilish grin on his face and simply leaned past him to open the door. 

Eric hadn’t been able to keep his eyes or his mind off Dele since. 

Naturally Dele had rejoined the party and instantly found himself in the middle of all the action. He danced, he drank and he drifted from conversation to conversation, exuding the measured confidence that always drew people to him. Eric had been happy to find Danny, Jan and Toby sat at a table, tucked away at the back. He loved being surrounded by people having a good time but he knew that if he ventured to close to the crowd then he’d be dragged onto the dance floor and that wasn’t a sight anybody needed to see. He was quite content to sit back and soak in the atmosphere, interjecting into the lads conversation every so often. It also meant that he could watch Dele. Watch him and allow himself to lose himself in just how much he loved him. 

His chest burned as he saw Dele move his mouth, lips forming around three words and he glanced sideways to see if anyone was watching. Sonny was busy filming himself on his phone and Jan and Toby were having a heated discussion about some Belgian TV show they both watched. His eyes flicked back to Dele who did it again and Eric sat forward, licking his lips. He mouthed the words back and Dele grinned before pushing himself off the back of the chair and spinning round to crash Sonny’s video. Eric laughed and shook his head before grabbing his drink from Danny as he approached the table. That’s how it had been all evening. Snatched moments and shared glances as they had both just enjoyed the company of their friends. At one point Eric had ventured to the bar, wanting to buy Harry a drink and he had walked past Dele on his way. His stomach had jumped as he felt a hand brush his lower back and he’d stopped as Dele had placed a hand on his elbow. He’d disguised the touch, using it to draw Eric into the conversation he was having but his hand had lingered and Eric had fought the overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss him. 

He lifted the rum and coke to his lips and took a sip as Danny nudged him with his elbow. “Whatever you said to him after he stormed off earlier worked, he’s like a different person.” Eric almost choked on his drink and his throat burned as he turned to look Danny straight in the eye. Danny threw back his head in a laugh at his expression and Eric covered his face with his hand. “That obvious?” he asked a little bubble of apprehension swelling in his stomach. Danny winked and patted him on the arm. “Only to those of us that know mate,” he said, his voice warm and reassuring. Eric let out a breath and looked back over at Dele, drinking how happy he looked as he danced around the table. 

“Ladies and gentlemen the hour is late and it will be soon time to draw the evening to a close. Last orders at the bar and the last dance will be taking place right after this song.” 

A flurry of activity followed the DJs words and Eric nodded as Jan, Toby and Danny all rose from their seats and made their way to the bar, joking about stocking up. Eric looked down at his drink, swilling the liquid around in the glass. The last dance. Another moment that he would watch unfold with that pit like feeling in his stomach. He glanced back up and straightened in his seat as he realised Dele had moved away from the table. His eyes scanned the room until he spotted him, crouched down talking closely with Kate. She was smiling at him, cupping his cheek with her hand and Eric wondered what they were talking about. Dele stayed for a few moments longer and then stood up as Harry walked over to Kate and held out his hand. Just as he helped her rise to her feet, dress fanned out around her, the DJ started talking. 

“Now everyone why don’t you find that special someone and take their hand. Take their hand and lead them to the dancefloor because it’s time for the last song of the night.”

Eric’s chest burned as he watched people come together, couples finding each other again after a few hours spent socialising. Hands clasped hands, arms snaked around waists and soon enough the dancefloor was once again full of people holding each other close. The last lines of the song that had been playing petered out and there was a moment's silence, filled with the low hum of whispered conversations between loved ones. Eric tried to find Dele but he couldn’t spot him and his stomach lurched as the possibility that he’d slipped out again crossed his mind. The opening chords of a song began to play and the image of Dele naked in his arms swam in front of him as he listened to the opening lines. 

_ When your legs don't work like they used to before and I can't sweep you off of your feet.  _

His pulse roared in his ears as he watched the couples begin to sway, as he saw Jan lean down to kiss his wife on the forehead, Harry sing the words to Kate and Toby pull his wife closer to his chest. Once again he was surrounded by all of this love and his heart was beating a hard rhythm against his ribcage because all he could do was sit and watch, unable to join in.  _ Dele.  _ The thought of where he was and what he must be feeling made him clench his hand into a fist and he leaned back in his chair, squeezing his eyes shut. He’d enjoyed the night, had had fun with his friends but in that moment he wished him and Dele had never left their hotel room. He wished they had stayed, curled up together in their own little bubble away from the outside world that just kept on reminding them that there was still so much they could never be a part of. 

_ Oh me I fall in love with you every single day and I just wanna tell you I am.  _

The feel of a hand on his arm made him jump and Eric lowered his head, slowly opening his eyes. His heart jumped into his mouth as his eyes met soft hazel ones. They were glistening slightly and Eric reached up to cover the hand with his. “Del,” he whispered, ready to take him and lead him from the marquee, far away from everything that was making his head roar. Dele shook his head and ran his fingers down Eric’s arm, stopping to intertwine their fingers. Eric looked around, trying to see if anyone was looking. His heart was hammering in his chest and his head was spinning. Dele crouched down, resting on his haunches and Eric’s eyes widened as he reached up and spread his palm across his cheek. He didn’t know what to do other than just stare into Dele’s eyes and try to gauge what the expression on his face meant. They were in a room full of people. People who knew about them but a lot of people who didn’t and his hand shook as he lifted it up to wrap his fingers around Dele’s wrists. 

“Del.”

“I’m ready Eric”

They spoke at the same time and Eric was sure he must have misheard what Dele had said. He stared at his mouth and he tightened his grip as Dele started to rise. Eric stayed seated and Dele pulled on his hand. Eric wasn’t sure he could remember how to speak save for repeating Dele’s name, whispering it again and looking up at his boyfriend. He was ringed by fairy lights, his face bathed in shadows and Eric’s breath caught in his chest as the realisation at what was happening between them caught up with him. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Dance with me.” 

It wasn’t a question or a request, it was simply a statement. A statement that carried them from the moment in the hotel room earlier to now and Eric knees felt weak as he rose from his seat and he saw Dele let out a breath as he closed the gap between them. A million different thoughts were rushing through his mind and he tried to breath, tried to calm his heart rate down as Dele turned to face the dancefloor and started walking towards it not letting go of his hand. He could feel people looking, could feel the stares from different angles as they wound their way through the tables. He always thought he’d be the one to do it, to lead them through the moment they decided to show everyone that they were so much more than just best friends. He felt tears prick the back of his eyes as Dele squeezed his fingers and he knew it was as much to reassure himself as it was for Eric. Emotions were crowding in on him. Trepidation, nerves but most of all love. Unbelievable, irrevocable love for the man that was holding on so tightly to his hand. He knew what this meant for Dele, how massive a step this was and Eric couldn’t begin to fathom how much it had taken for Dele to walk over to him and say those words. They reached the dancefloor and Eric allowed Dele to lead him into the middle. He could feel him shaking beneath his touch and when he turned to face him the nervous smile that slipped onto his lips made Eric’s heart squeeze. 

_ Oh me I fall in love with you every single day and I just wanna tell you I am. _

This was it. This was the moment where everything changed. He glanced over Dele’s shoulder and met eyes with Jan, who gave him a nod and a knowing smile. He scanned around and saw Sonny who gave him a big thumbs up. And then he saw Kate, who was staring at them with tears in her eyes. It crossed Eric’s mind that this was her night but the smile that she gave him as her eyes glistened told him all he needed to know about the conversation Dele had had with her earlier. She mouthed ‘finally’ at him and then leaned on Harry’s shoulder, swaying to the music. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Dele’s voice was small and Eric turned his head, brushing his cheek against Dele’s ear. They had slowly started swaying to the song, arms loosely wrapped around each others waists. He breathed a few times, steadying himself and he couldn’t help but let out a giggle. “What is it?” Dele asked a hint of concern in his tone. Eric shushed him, and leaned back. He bought a hand up to Dele’s cheek, focusing on his face and zoning out everyone else around them. 

“You are so brave Delboy and I love you so much,” he breathed and Dele leaned into his touch. “And yes you can kiss me.” The words fell from his mouth in a rush and he could feel his pulse in his fingertips as Dele looked at him and bit his lip. He angled his face and kissed his palm before leaning forwards and placing his mouth on his. Eric had kissed Dele what must have been a million times before, his lips had traced a roadmap on every part of his body. But this. This felt new. It was like breathing again after being submerged in water for a tad too long. It was like breaking the surface and taking that first big gulp of air. It was everything that had happened between them since the day he’d walked into that meeting room all those years ago and it was this one moment all wrapped into one. Their lips moved against each other and Dele sighed into Eric’s mouth. There wasn’t an inch of space between them and Eric never wanted to let go. 

He didn’t care if anyone was filming, if there were photos already being shared. He didn’t care about any of it. All he cared about was the man in his arms, how brave he was, how much he loved him and how even if the road ahead of them might be full of challenges he couldn’t wait to live in a world where he no longer had to hide how he felt. 

“I’m going to marry you Delboy,” he said as they broke away from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. A wide grin spread across Dele’s face and his eyes swam with tears as he nodded in response. “Good because I’m going to marry you too.” 

_ Oh maybe we found love right where we are and we found love right where we are. _

  
  



End file.
